Excerpt of the Cusser

THE CUSSER

aka: the blasphemous, the curser, the foul-mouth, the potty mouth, the profaner, the swearer

That really cute brunette you sometimes see when you go into the copy shop looked really hot yesterday with her sweet innocent smile. She’s probably 20, maybe a little younger, a college student. She seemed smart; she had an advanced chemistry book in hand. She’s way out of your league, but you somehow mustered up the balls to ask her on a date. Now, she’s sitting in front of you with those beautiful brown locks, doey eyes, and glass of wine in hand. You toast the evening and hope—no, pray—to score tonight. Two hours later, the date isn’t quite how you envisioned it. That cute brunette wasn’t what you expected. Behind those red luscious lips hid the mouth of the raunchiest sailor you could imagine, one who says “fuck” and “shit” every five seconds and tells you stories you wouldn’t repeat to a bunch of guys in a locker room. Unbeknownst to you, you landed a date with a real potty mouth.

A cusser is a person who can’t get a sentence out without a couple of f-bombs and other taboo words deemed offensive to Miss Manners.

Cussing is a very common type of behavior found in most cities, states, and countries in the world. The offensive words are often spoken aloud with conviction, offering some type of emotional release for the speaker.

People cuss at objects, animals, people, and at themselves when they need to express something that is not offered in polite speak.

The people around them or the target of their cussing tends to react in one of two ways: agree, contributing more cuss words themselves; or disagree, possibly countering their cuss words with stronger language. Sometimes, people can also become angry and end the conversation abruptly with a blow to the face.

There are no universal cuss words, but there are universal themes considered offensive when combined in certain ways. For example, “mother” combined with any word referencing sex or animals seem to offend many people. References to a god or deity combined with the name of an animal or sex act is also viewed as offensive. References to dirt, an unpleasant afterlife, death, genitalia, anuses, and anus outputs are also regarded as distasteful in many cultures.

A few cuss words added in a sentence can help emphasize a particular verb or noun that a speaker wants his or her listener to pay attention, as in “That damn bowling ball really fucking hurt my big fucking hairy toe!”

When does cussing become a bad behavior? When cuss words are used in a way that obfuscates the clarity of a sentence. For example, the sentence, “Who wouldn’t love a root beer float on a hot day” becomes “Who the fuck wouldn’t love a motherfucking, goddamn root beer float on an ass kickin’ hot day?”

The second sentence contains many extraneous words making it difficult for a listener to comprehend­, both in meaning and intent; it would be hard to decipher whether the speaker was angry, sarcastic, or just really loved root beer floats. Also, those within earshot of a cusser can be offended by the ferocity and meaning of cuss words.

CAUSE:

Cussers have a horribly foul mouth, because they secretly enjoy the taste of dish soap and hope to relive the comforting, semi-erotic experience of being forced by a dominant person to clean their mouth out with soapy liquid.

As children learn to speak, they learn by repeating what they hear, and sometimes what they hear is a swear word from an angst-ridden older brother or sister. Sometimes they hear bad words from a video or from a neighbor kid.

Wherever they learned the foul word from, they also learned the power of those words to make people behave in a certain way. When a little boy says sweetly to his mother, “Mommy, are you a cocksucker?” Mommy gets very upset, grabs the boy by the ear and pulls him into the kitchen. Once there, she squirts some dish soap into a bowl, mixes it up with water, and tells the boy to “wash his dirty mouth out right now.”

The boy really doesn’t know what he’s saying. No one explained to him what cock-sucking was. If someone told him it was a sexually explicit act, he would not ask his mother such a personal and inappropriate question.

If the parents tend to be very busy people without much time for their kids, then swearing becomes the go-to method for a child to get his parent’s attention. The child swears. Mom or dad stops whatever they’re doing and spends 15 minutes giving the neglected kid lots of attention. It becomes a thing in the home, where the kid is unwittingly encouraged to swear by the response of his or her parent, repeating this ritual over and over again. Like anything eaten on a regular basis, the kid develops a taste for dish soap.

As many psychologists have stated, people are attracted to others who resemble a beloved family member in some way, either a similar hair color, eye color, facial tick, or communication style. Ultimately, we marry our parents. Isn’t that lovely?

A person who swears a great deal is slightly turned on by the offended parties around them, because they remind him or her of an outraged parent or other family member’s strong reaction. The more offended you are, the more you are turning on the potty mouth’s juices.

Subconsciously, the cusser hopes you will grab him or her by the ear, push their face into the sink, and wash their mouth out vigorously with soap—preferably one with a lemony scent.

RECOMMENDATIONS:

If you are really put off by a person who swears constantly, the worst thing you can do is to show it, because it will only encourage them to say more taboo words.

Do not blink an eyelash if “shit” comes out of their mouth. The best way to behave is…